I Apologize

There are bones that I had thought buried. Things I truly believed I had let go of. Moved on into the acceptance stage of getting over.

Here, just in the last few weeks, it’s clear that I still have work to do.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m always a work in progress. I just realized that I wasn’t done breaking in certain places.

I thought that most of the old anger was gone. It’s like evidence at a crime scene. I seem to have missed some corners while cleaning.

I know that some wounds never heal, we just patch them up and move forward. Trying to keep the blood off the floor.

Programmed reactions to ingrained problems. Seeking approval and validation from mist and mirrors, knowing underneath there is substance and deep waters. I just can’t touch the bottom.

“And you better start swimming or you’ll sink like a stone” Bob Dylan

I am trying. But everyday it’s a different fire to put out and I’m running from room to room in this fucked up fun house with buckets of water and bandages.

I forgot the first rule in emergency, survey the scene for danger.

I keep taking damage, every movement hurts. And now, Like every other cornered wounded animal my teeth are bared and I bite.

Hence the apology, for becoming more like you than I ever wanted to be. For letting scar tissue dictate my actions.